exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
