4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
