I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Randomize
