He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
