pedialite and red bull = repair kit
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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