Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
