The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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