Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
