And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
