We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
is wine microwaveable?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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