He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
God gave him joint rollers for hands
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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