My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize