I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
