I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
