Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
