I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
