When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
