Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
