I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
