..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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