did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
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