Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
