his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
How many fucks given?
0.12846
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
