You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
