don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
