fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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