its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
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