Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
