I just pynch a tree in the face
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
