did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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