I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
