the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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