my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
