And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Randomize
