Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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