yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Success! We fucked roommates!
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
