I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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