he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize