This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
