It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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