is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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