i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
