My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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