So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
