addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
