I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
