i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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