so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
