Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
