WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
