did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
