Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
