Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
