can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
