I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
