dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
