who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
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