i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
