HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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