He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
