did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
