he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
