too bad you live with your parents still
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
