there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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