ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
