covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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