I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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