This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
