i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize