seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
