Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
