He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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