Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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