things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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