he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
