My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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