His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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