My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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